I’m a 32-year-old conventionally attractive office worker. I’m dating a 33-year-old man. Before we started dating, I knew he had a wife and a kid but they were separated.
His wife and child live in the countryside while he lives in the city. Before entering this relationship, I knew it wasn’t right but I went ahead anyway because I couldn’t control my feelings.
He said the reason behind their separation was because his wife wanted to migrate abroad, and he didn’t. Whenever I’m with him, I feel a sense of security and happiness. None of my past lovers had ever made me feel like this. I also noticed that he changed a lot because of me, which makes me love him even more.
He said he and his wife only talk to each other regarding their child (their child is almost four). He resents her a lot because she used to date somebody else.
He doesn’t want to talk about her anymore. His wife and child moved abroad at the beginning of this year, and he admits that it would be better for his child’s future. I asked him about our own future and he said that he hadn’t thought about it yet.
I told him that he was not being straightforward with me and I didn’t want to be in such a vague relationship. He told me to wait until his child is seven years old, and then he would divorce his wife and get custody of his kid. Only then would he begin to think about our relationship.
Before this, he refused his wife’s request for a divorce while she was still in Vietnam. Now he wants to wait until his child is seven. I find it very confusing because he’s financially more well-off than his wife and his child is already over three years old, so it would be easy for him to fight for custody.
So why doesn’t he get a divorce? Why does he want to wait until his child is seven? Now his child has gone abroad and got accustomed to the new environment already. There is no way his child is going to go back to Vietnam when he asks for a divorce. I asked him to reconsider. I feel like he is hoping for something to happen. I brought this up but he didn’t respond.
Lately I feel like he has changed. I asked him if he had been in contact with his wife and he said no. He only talked to his brother-in-law. I didn’t think much about it until one day when he came back from his hometown, I noticed he had been texting his wife before we met up, and deleted the messages.
Upon reading their messages, I realized they had been texting each other back and forth for a while and were very friendly with each other. He told me this was a friend from his hometown and not his wife, but he had forgotten that he had shown me a picture of him and his wife before. I told him he had turned me into “the other woman.”
He keeps telling me that I am being inconsiderate, blowing things out of proportion while all I want is for him to be honest with me. He gives me no explanations and blames everything on me.
I have accepted our relationship and that I had no right to be jealous of his past, but I also want him to be honest with me. I have no idea what he sees me as.
I hope you can give me some advice.